Don't Hate The Playa, Hate McCain

Regardless of what my title to this post is, it's not going to be political.  Rather, I'm in the middle of punching myself for not thinking of this wonderful pun as I searched for a Trivia Team name for the past three weeks.  Bemused by my own brilliance, I've instead decided to share it here for you all to marvel at.  Where have you gone, Booker T, with your spinaroonies and your suckas

And please don't turn this post into a political platform.  There is nothing that I would prefer to talk about less, after being bombarded with election coverage over the past few days.

Rather, it's Friday afternoon, and since I have already met my "lack of sleep" and "tests failed" quotas for the week, I'm here to share with you what's new in the wonderful world that is metro-Atlanta area sports.

1. Kevin Towers has informed Jake Peavy that a trade is now going to be imminent.  If you'll recall, Peavy was the key to my offseason for Atlanta, and the only person who would make it worth opening the checkbook this year.  Frank Wren has kept himself tight-lipped for now, but the Cubs offer bouncing around is Felix Pie, Ronny Cedeño, Sean Marshall, and Jeff Samardija.  Apparently to best this offer, Towers has requested Hanson, Schafer, and Escobar from Atlanta.  In related news, Kevin Towers is delusional.  Interestingly enough, Jake Peavy has stated that if the trade includes Yunel Escobar going to San Diego, then he will exercise his veto power.  This baffles me, as Peavy is traditionally a fly ball pitcher anyways, but I fully support anything that keeps Yunel Escobar in Atlanta.  That said, I've shied away from my initial willingness to trade away Tommy Hanson, and hope that Atlanta can not shatter my dreams.
2. Exceeding even my own homeristic projections, the Atlanta Hawks have started the season 3-0.  Stunningly, they did not have a 3 game set with the Knicks, but actually played three playoff teams from last year.  Even more stunningly, they've won by playing defense, not by outscoring the other team.  I don't know if Josh Smith has finally matured enough to where he actually plays man defense now rather than attempting to block every shot taken, or if Joe Johnson is no longer getting called for ticky-tack fouls that plague him every time he plays a "brand" player, but I for one am impressed.  Also, skeptical.  If you'll recall, the Hawks started out last season with wins over Phoenix and Dallas, and the season before with 4 wins in 5 games.  I'll believe in this team when they bring back the retro jerseys, so I can bust out my jacket that may or may not be two sizes too small, but three sizes too awesome.
3. Brady Quinn looked impressive in his first start last night, completing 65% of his passes against the Broncos, including two touchdown passes to Kellen "Swollen Testicles" Winslow.  Unfortunately, this performance, about three standard deviations about what Derek Anderson provided, was not enough to overcome the power of diabetes, as Jay Cutler threw for 447 yards in the Bronco victory.  At 3-6, Cleveland is probably not going to catch up with the Ravens in their division, but it's nice for Browns fans to have any sort of optimism, as they continue to be one of the most beleaguered football teams in history.
4. The Saints come marching into Atlanta this weekend to take on an Atlanta offense that has not lost at home yet.  Matt Ryan continues to make me look foolish for publicly desiring Glenn Dorsey, who has thus far proven himself a bust.  Unfortunately for Atlanta, while the Raiders can mark themselves improved by the loss of DeAngelo Hall, the Falcons secondary may just be bad enough that Hall would be an improvement.  Drew Brees is going to pick them apart to overtake Jay Cutler as the passing leader for the week, and another impressive week by Michael Turner against a weak New Orleans line is going to be for naught, as the Saints will pull out the win 34-21.  In related news, I may be the 1,000,000th person to use the "Saints go marching" line.
5. The NFL doesn't offer much more this week.  Look for the Lions to continue to pine for the return of John Kitna, as Maurice Jones-Drew finally finds a defensive line to match the ineptitude of Jacksonville's offensive line, allowing him to move past the line of scrimmage for the first time since the Denver game.  Alternately, Giants fans should continue to punch themselves for losing to the aforementioned Browns.  With Eli Manning finally maturing, New York is looking like a viable Super Bowl Favorite.  Actually, both New York teams look good this year, which I'm going to attribute to the karmic retribution for the Yankees this year.  Look for both New York teams to win this week.
6. I've avoided the college front thus far, as I'm still trying to wake myself up from my dream.  If I don't hurry, I'm going to miss the Florida/Georgia game this Saturday.  But in this bleak, ugly world that I'm dreaming up, Georgia is not going to look impressive against Kentucky.  Any thought of a "retribution blowout" should be curtailed right now, as that's not the way this team plays.  Georgia is going to win, but I wouldn't consider it to be much more than a touchdown margin.  Call it 21-10.
7. Texas Tech made people take notice last week with an astonishingly gutsy play call to win over Texas as time expired.  Between the Joker end zone, the bell ringer, and the fans rushing the field three times before the game ended, there was plenty of entertainment in Lubbock.  Unfortunately, nobody is getting out of the Big 12 unscathed.  Look for Oklahoma State to pull the quasi-upset this week, by a score of 42-31.  This will lead to this bleak dreamworld BCS championship of Florida versus Penn State, in which I want to shoot myself.
8. I'm starting to depress myself, so I'm going to wrap this one up quick.  The Yellow Jackets should pull out a win over North Carolina via the tried and true logic of "North Carolina is ranked higher, and thus will choke" that has held true for the ACC all year.    Bama will have little issue with the LSU Tigers, who have been exposed worse than the Bulldogs in recent weeks.  Meanwhile, fans will continue to blame Nick Saban for no apparent reason.  Clemson will also pull the upset over Florida St, continuing their havoc on the Bowden family.

Based on recent weeks, you should assume probably 45% of these predictions will actually occur.  Because if nothing else, I'm statistically accurate when it comes to blind guesses.  In the meantime, enjoy your weekend.  And Comment!  Please?  Also, mock Chris Fowler for being screencapped doing exactly what I was doing.