Just scrolling through the "Help Wanted" sites on the interwebs when I came across a few attractive little openings. It appears as if medical equipment salesmen are in high demand. As are construction workers, road cleanup crews, and Home Depot forklift drivers! So chin up Phil Fulmer and Tommy Bowden!Clemson initiated its own version of a bailout plan earlier today, while similar action could be expected out of Knoxville any day now. It's hard to say which orange-clad football team has been more nauseating this year, but we'll start with Clemson.
How does a team returning that much offensive skill start the season 3-3...in the ACC? Clemson was pegged by most as the team to beat in the ACC (similar to being the most sober person at a NASCAR race). They returned two potential NFLers in James Davis and CJ Spiller, a quarterback on the rise in Cullen Harper, and a dangerous receiver in Aaron Kelly. Yet, they got demolished by Alabama, embarrassed by Maryland, and finally beaten in an uninspiring pillow fight with Wake Forest.
Bowden has long been the epitome of underachievment, and the only real shocker here is that this didn't happen sooner. Now, the Tigers hope to salvage anything from this season, starting when Georgia Tech comes to visit Death Valley on Saturday (more on the Jackets later). The Tigers also have to start thinking about a coach (Skip Holtz anyone?). Needless to say, Auburn-with-a-lake is in serious trouble (coincidentally, more on Auburn later as well).
Tennessee continues to look worse each week. Georgia played its typical brand of undisciplined, unopportunistic football yet still dominated the Vols. Arian Foster truely was living in the land of the lost, going from speaking pterodactyl to becoming virtually invisible on the field (3 carries). The Vols, known in the past for backs like Jamal Lewis, netted one rushing yard. Of course, in college football there will be down years. But you have to be higher than rocky top to think something is wrong when an SEC power plays the way the Vols have this year. They have no leadership, according to Fulmer. Fine, but that's when a good coach steps in and creates leadership. Either that, or Fulmer should at least shoulder some blame for not developing any players into leaders. Tennessee fans have already had little patience for the Great Pumpkin, and a 2-4 start means things will have to get better quick if Fulmer wants to keep his job.
LSU Gets Tebowed
Tim Tebow and that team he plays for looked nothing short of scary on Saturday night. Sure, Tebow Almighty threw for just 210 yards (we all know he was simply toying with the infidel Tigers). But, and this isn't a misprint, the Gators ran for 265 yards. Now, before everyone goes and ordains the Gators as the best thing since...the Gators of two years ago...think about the circumstances. Teams have stopped the Gators all year by locking in on Tebow and knocking him senseless. Les Miles' defense was geared up to do the same thing. St. Urban pulled a fast one on him. Jeff Demps and Chris Rainey ran wild, giving Tebow all the room he needed to operate. There's no way the Gators are as good as they showed Saturday, but they definitely aren't as bad as they showed against Ole Miss. Unfortunately, it seems as if being somewhere in the middle of those two performances will be good enough to win the East.
Auburn is terrible
No other headline is needed. Auburn lost to Arkansas. They fired Tony Franklin and hey, the offense actually scored more than 20 points. The defense proceeded to give up 25 to one of the worst teams in recent SEC history. Maybe Tuberville should just switch jobs with Bowden. Neither coach would have to worry about selling all of their eye-pleasing orange merchandise. In fact, I'm not sure either fanbase would notice a change had been made.
I don't even know what to say about the Tigers, other than bowl eligibilty is not a foregone conclusion. That being said, their current state of affairs sets up what could be one of the more hilarious situations in sports this year. Just think about the absolutel bloodbath that would occur in Tuscaloosa if Saban can't beat Auburn this year. Despite the Tide's surge of momentum, he could be on the hot seat immediately if they lose to this horrible Auburn team. Imagine Tubs smirking away as the seconds tick off yet another win for the Tigers.
Jackets edge Bulldogs
Haha not those Bulldogs silly! It's not April Fools quite yet! No, I'm referring to those lovable, less talented Bulldogs from Gardner-Webb of course. Shame on me for predicting the Jackets to win by 300 points. Admittedly, I hadn't done much research on that one. Rest assured, if I had known the Bulldogs had just marched into Clarksville, TN and pounded Austin Peay 31-15 earlier in the season, I would have given the diminuative team that is looking for its first Big South win a little more credit.
Seriously Tech fans, I drank the koolaid. I've seen teams "not show up" against lesser conference teams (Georgia-Vandy in 06), but Tech should have been able to beat Gardner-Webb by 20 with a Cinco-de-Mayo version of Joe Hamilton at quarterback. As lackluster as Georgia has looked this year, I'm sure they would have handled Gardner-Webb by at least 20 with Logan Gray under center. To paraphrase the numerous Tech fans I heard after Georgia's loss to Alabama, "hahaha still want to complain about rankings? Overrated rednecks..." and then some stuff about flipping burgers. Translation: not ready for the Top-25 yet Jackets. Of course, a win over a hapless and coachless Clemson team could always sway the pollsters!
Falcons give game away, steal it back
When Jason Elam missed that field goal late in the fourth quarter, every Falcons fan with sanity knew it was over. Luckily, these aren't Bobby Petrino's birds. Atlanta used a magnificent performance from Matty Ice to come back and beat the Bears, prompting Pesci to burst through my front door and scream explitives, not knowing my roommate's parents and grandmother were also watching the game at my place. Awkward.
Now of course, the Falcons could very easily go out and lay an egg on our newfound confidence next week. But for one weekend, it actually feels good to be a Falcons fan. I will embrace it by doing the Dirty Bird spontaneously throughout the week.
I'm sure there's more to talk about from this weekend, but my eyes hurt and I still have to finish two questions from the "takehome test from Hell." Let me know what I missed, as well as your thoughts on anything from terrible SEC teams to probably terrible NFL squads.
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